ONLY DAUGHTER
-Sandra Cisneros
Born into a working-class family in 1954, Sandra Cisneros was the daughter of a Mexican-American mother and a Mexican father.
Only Daughter originally appeared in Glamour magazine in 1990. Cisneros through this essay describes the difficulties of growing up as the only daughter in a Mexican-American family of six sons.
Historically, sons have been valued over daughters in most cultures, as reflected in the following proverbs: “A house full of daughters is like a cellar full of sour beer” (Dutch); “Daughters pay nae [no] debts” (Scottish); “A stupid son is better than a crafty daughter” (Chinese); and “A virtuous son is the sun of his family” (Sanskrit).
Contemporary research suggests that while the preference for male children has diminished considerably in industrialised nations, a distinct preference for sons continues among many cultures in Asia and the Middle East, raising concerns among medical ethicists worldwide. And, even within the more traditional cultures of the industrialised world, old habits of mind regarding the role of women in society can die hard, as the attitudes of Cisneros’s father suggested.
I was/am the only daughter and only a daughter. Being an only daughter in a family of six sons forced me by circumstance to spend a lot of time by myself because my brothers felt it beneath them to play with a girl in public. But that aloneness, that loneliness, was good for a would-be writer — it allowed me time to think and think, to imagine, to read and prepare myself.
Cisneros’s father believed being only a daughter meant that her destiny would lead her to become someone’s wife. When she was in the fifth grade and shared her plans for college with him, she was sure that he understood as he remarked: “Que bueno, mi’ja, that’s good.” What she didn’t realise was that her father thought college was good for girls — good for finding a husband. After four years in college and two more in graduate school, and still no husband, her father believes that she had wasted all that education.
She wanted her father to understand to introduce her as “My only daughter, the writer.” Not as “This is only my daughter. She teaches.” Being a writer, everything she ever writes has been for her father, to win his approval even though she knows that her father can’t read English words.
When the writer with her six brothers was growing up in Chicago, they moved a lot because of their father. They moved to and from Mexico City (and Chicago) time and again. Each time, her father would seek out the parish priest in order to get a tuition break, and complain or boast: “I have seven sons.” He meant siete hijos, seven children, but he translated it as “sons.” “I have seven sons.” To anyone who would listen. As if he deserved a medal from the state. Because of this, the writer feels herself being erased as she writes, “I’d tug my father’s sleeve and whisper: “Not seven sons. Six! and one daughter.”
She especially wanted to please her father as an aspiring author but he thought female education was just for finding a husband. She didn't end up finding one, and instead became an author and after many challenging years, made her father proud. She wanted to show that a poor, Mexican woman can write quality literature.
Her father is concerned for her well-being, of who she will become. Without a husband, he feels as if he would fail as a father if she cannot produce kids who will be his legacy. He often forgets that she is her own person as she tends to blend in with his sons. In the end, he finds that his legacy will be not in her own children but the stories she weaves about her Mexican heritage.
Thank you for this😊❤
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