MARRIAGE IS A PRIVATE AFFAIR

Chinua Achebe, Nigeria (1930-2013)

Characters:

1.  The story shows the conflict between the old generation and a new generation. 

2. Marriage is a private affair and young people should have the right and freedom to choose life partners. The parents shouldn't interfere and they should adopt the democratic pattern. They should never impose their thoughts on their mature sons or daughters. 

• Nnaemeka (Modern Son) (Ibo Tribe)
• Nene Atang (Nnaemeka's Wife/a school teacher) (from Logos)
• Okeke (Conservative Father)
• Ugoye Nweke (Daughter of Jacob Nweke, Okeke's neighbour)

Chinua Achebe’s story “Marriage Is a Private Affair” opens with a discussion between a young woman named Nene and a young man named Nnaemeka, who live in Lagos, Nigeria; they are in love and plan to marry. Nene wants Nnaemeka to inform his father of their plan as soon as possible, but the young man is nervous. He anticipates that his father, a member of the Ibo tribe who lives in rural Nigeria, will not approve of his son’s marriage to a woman of the son’s own choosing, especially when the father discovers that Nene is not an Ibo. Nene cannot believe that anyone would care so much about the tribal background; she urges Nnaemeka to write his father a letter informing him of the couple’s plan. Nnaemeka, however, thinks it would be better to tell his father in person, especially since he has recently received a letter from his father informing him that the father has already chosen a bride for him, a woman in whom Nnaemeka has no interest. In his letter, the father informed Nnaemeka that the girl he had found for his son to marry is a good Christian and has received all the training necessary to make her a good wife. She was Ugoye who was Nnaemeks's friend in their childhood. But Nnaemeka did not tell anything about it to Nene. In his vacation he went his native village, Nnaemeka and his father talk. Nnaemeka asks forgiveness and then reveals that he does not love the woman his father has chosen for him—a fact that matters little to his father. Nnaemeka also reveals that he has found a woman (Nene) whom he loves and wants to marry. He explains that Nene is also a good Christian and that she is a schoolteacher. Believing that the Bible prohibits women from being teachers, his father is infuriated (angered). After the father delivers a sermon (preaching) on this topic, he begins to calm down, but he becomes enraged again when he discovers that Nene is not even an Ibo. The father abruptly leaves his son alone; that evening the father cannot even eat. He considers the intended marriage a plot by the devil. Okeke was very much angry and upset. But Nnaemeka was not ready to change his mind. Then he went back to Lagos. The villagers suggested Okeke to treat his son by a native doctor. But Okeke did not even want to listen about his son. He said that his son was dead for him.

Nnaemeka married with Nene and he wrote a letter and sent a photo to his father but father return the letter as well as photo by mutilating (Alter so as to make unrecognizable) the picture of Nene. When Nene saw her photo, she became very sad but Nnaemenka convinced her that his father was not a bad person and he would accept their relation one day. Villagers knew that Nnaemenka was living a happy marriage life in Lagos. But nobody told Okeke about it because they knew that Okeke did not want to listen anything about his son.

After eight years of their marriage life, they had two sons. But they could not inform to Okeke in the village. And at last Nene wrote a letter to her father-in-law. She wrote that when their sons knew that they had grandfather in the villages, they were eager to see him. So, she requested him to allow Nnaemeka to visit him with two sons for a short time in the vacation. When Okeke read the letter he knew that he had two grandsons in the city and wanted to meet him. He felt himself to be very selfish. He thought that how he could shut the door for them. That night he hardly slept. He was afraid that he might die with night correcting his mistake.

Interpretation:

The story basically presents the burning social problems found in rural areas where the majority of the people are superstitious and uneducated. Okeke living in a village doesn't like his son marrying a city girl of a different tribe. It presents thus the conflict between father and son, one representing the traditional values and the next modern and changing values. The next important point in the story is that it has shown the fact that marriage must be a private affair in everyone’s life. One must be free to choose his/her life partner according to his/her wish. It helps them to lead a very happy life and also it helps to avoid social discrimination to a great extent.

Critical Thinking:

Though the story presenting a burning social problem deserves good response and appreciation from the reader’s side, yet, in a deeper level, there are many points in which they may not be satisfied. Now people aren't as they were in the past because of changing social values and education. People aren't stuck to the old values, traditions and systems. So far marriage is concerned; people are enjoying it as a private affair rather than a means to protect the culture. Inter-cast marriage has become the fashion among the youngsters of the time. So, the present story captures the interest of the people.

However, some questions come into the mind of the readers while reading the story. Can a father really become so cruel to his son? Similarly, can a father tear the photograph of his son’s wedding picture?

Can a young man in Nigeria really challenge such strict traditional values and norms? The people in the village advise Okake to consult a native doctor. They think Nnaemeka mind disease. But Okake does not listen to them. The story says that Nnaemeka’s father was of less superstition than his villagers. Why does not Okake accept Nene as his daughter-in-law if he was less superstitious?

Assimilation:

While reading the story, I remember my friend Roshan Khanal. He is my friend from my childhood. We went to the same school until class ten. After S.L.C., he went to Kathmandu for his higher education. There he fell in love with a girl from the Newar community. His father was Pandit of the village. He was very strict with traditional values and norms. He forces Roshan to marry an uneducated girl from the village. However, Roshan challenged his father’s cultural beliefs and get married to her. They settled in Kathmandu. His father became so angry and decided to give up them. Last year, in Dashain, Roshan came to a village with his wife. His father and mother accepted them. Now they are living happily.

Further Reading:

Even though the change was tough for Okeke, he still manages to move on and accept the change. Okeke is shown here that he is totally against his son's doing and thinks that he is brainwashed. He shows this when he says, "I can't have you in my house." Okeke replies "I shall never see her. These changes are usually not bad, but because people are set in their traditional ways it can be a tough change. "As Okeke thinks about the grandchildren the author then pretty much leaves us with the question "How could he shut his door against them?" Thus Okeke finally does change when realizes that he has neglected his grandsons and the relationship a grandfather and grandchildren should have. Okeke is a stubborn father because even when Naemeka says, "You will change your mind, Father, when you know Nene." As we can see, Okeke is a man that goes through a change in his life.  Eventually, Okeke even becomes resentful towards his son. "It can be of no interest to me where or how you spend your leave- or your life, for that matter." Okeke shows this when he says, "I owe it to you, my son, as a duty to show you what is right and what is wrong."

Nnaemeka's decision to marry Nene was made with specific intent. While Nnaemeka and Okeke are in agreement that his wife should have a Christian background, Okeke takes great offence to Nene's teaching. Tradition is an aspect of Ibo life which transcends all other obligations. Likewise, Okeke embraces tradition to such a degree that he neglects his family. Nnaemeka realizes this before he even confronts his father about the marriage, which explains his hesitancy and apprehension to inform Okeke at the beginning of the story. Because Okeke is so dogmatic, this decision was not made without regard to its consequences or Okeke's reaction. However, Nnameka's unique character has an effect which is calculated and tactical. Likewise, Nnaemeka's less literal translation of the Bible allows him to marry Nene and abide by a set of standards which set his future at odds with Okeke. Nnaemeka tries to appeal to his father through reason and persistence, neglecting any personal sacrifice to appease Okeke. Okeke values Ibo tradition to such a degree that he negates his familial ties in order to retain a pure, untainted sense of integrity. The crux of their disagreement revolves around the emphasis placed on tradition. Okeke's refusal to yield or concede anything to Namesake has an effect which permeates all his future actions. When Namesake tries to justify his reasons for not marrying Ugoye, he says, "Marriage today is different"